#TFW the finished book arrives

The book you thought had broken you - but didn't!

On Friday afternoon, as we walked out the front door to walk the dogs there was a box from Scholastic on my doorstep with my author copies of Some Kind of Hate. It’s always exciting to hold the finished book you’ve worked on for so long in your hands, but with this book it seemed like even more of an achievement, because there were so many times I thought I’d never see this day.

On January 1st, 2021, inspired by Debbi Michiko Florence, I started a Five Year Thought a Day Journal. It’s been fascinating to look back to see how miserable I was last year while I was rewriting and rewriting and rewriting and revising and revising this book.

I sold the book to Scholastic in July 2020, but because I was moving house and teaching full time online in the Fall of 2020, it wasn’t till late December 2020 that I was able to focus on it. At that point I was about a third of the way through a first draft (20K words). In that early partial draft, I’d written from the POV of a boy and a girl. but when I returned to the novel, having done more research, I realized that because misogyny is such a big part of the extremist ideology I was writing about, I felt very strongly that we needed two male POV’s - to show different ways to “be a man.”

Here are some selected entries that help describe the journey and the emotional rollercoaster it took me on.

1/3/21 - Started re-plotting book

1/4/21 - Nervous about talking to Jody* tomorrow. Hope she’s okay with change of gender. *Jody Corbett, my amazing editor at Scholastic.

1/5/21 - Great convo w/Jody - excited to re-plot

1/7/21 - Finished re-plotting and started writing again. This book will be timely.

1/24/21 - Almost back up to where I was before I had to start over and re-plot. Definitely think the story is stronger for it.

1/28/21 - Hit 20K.

2/4/21 - 29K words. Have a long way to go and needs a lot of revising but I’m starting to see it take shape.

2/5/21 - I wish I had 3 months more to work on this first draft instead of one.

2/9/21 - 33K. Note to self: never read Goodreads reviews, especially while drafting!

2/12/21 - 38K

2/14/21 - Saw a guy wearing a III%er shirt when I was leaving Stop and Shop. Can you imagine if he walked into the grocery store wearing an Al Qaeda shirt? Scary that there are people in our town who are this brazen about being part of an extremist organization.

2/21/21 - 47K. Kitchen being demolished on Weds while I’m on final week of book deadline. FML. Going to write to Jody and ask for more time.

2/23/21 - Deadline extended to 3/14 - huge relief!

2/28/21 - 53+K Making good progress on book but can’t wait to finish and start revising and refining.

3/6/21- I feel like I will never finish this first draft. But I will.

3/14/21- Turned in book at 22:13. I wrote 66K words since I spoke to Jody on 1/5/21 - while teaching 2 classes. *pats self on back*

3/21/21 - Enjoyed a weekend where I didn’t feel guilty about relaxing. Cleared off my desk.

3/23/21 - Got editorial letter. Lots of work ahead, but good work.

4/5/21 - Interviewed Jeff Schoep, former head of US National Socialist Movement for 1 1/2 hours this evening. LOTS to think about.

4/12/21 - Finally feel like I’m in a groove with book. Trying to salvage stuff from 1st draft where possible.

4/25/21 - I need more time for this book. I’m working hard, but it’s so challenging.

4/29/21 - Great interview with Tony McAleer today. He gave me some really good insights. I can’t wait to get this draft written.

5/1/21 - Great way to start a new month. Wrote > 2K words.

5/2/21 - I am officially burned out, but I have to keep on plugging. I just want a day off to veg out and garden.

5/9/21 - Mothers Day - I miss Mom. I am so burned out and tired.

5/10/21 - Wrote 2000+ words but will I make deadline?

6/14/21 - 1200 words - starting to get writing rhythm back.

6/18/21 - So much work to do and all I want to do is relax and garden. I am burned out.

6/25/21 - Amazing week teaching at Yale Writers’ Workshop. I think taking a break from writing my own book to mentor other writers really helped.

6/30/21 - Kate Messner is being harassed by anti Fauci people. It makes me both scared for this book to come out and convinced that we need it even more.

7/9/21 - Future Me: Remember how this book made you feel before proposing another novel. Choose your topic carefully so it doesn’t destroy your mental health.

7/12/21 - Making progress on the book slowly but surely. I just want it over. I hope in future Julys I am enjoying the summer more.

7/29/21 - Making progress. I feel like the end of this draft is in sight - FINALLY!

8/5/21 - Turned in latest draft. Hope next step is revising, not rewriting.

8/18/21 - Got editorial letter today. 15 pages single-spaced. But at least this is a revision not a complete rewrite. My work is cut out for me. Glad Highlights is coming up.

8/19/21 - Started making a revision plan. It feels so good to finally get to the revision stage instead of constant rewriting. I hope I make this book as good as I want it to be.

8/25/21 - Revising. The book has a tentative name - Some Kind of Hate!

8/27/21 - Making progress on revision. It feels so good to be actually revising.

8/30/21 - Feeling in a better place about novel today. I’m hoping by the end of this week I’ll be pretty close to the end of the structural revision and can go for layers.

9/1/21 - Whenever I think I’m getting closer to the finish line with this book, I make a realization that requires a lot of work and it feels like I’ll never get there.

9/2/21 - Feel better about revisions than I did yesterday.

9/3/21 - Filling in gaps in novel - but still worried about getting a research source for the end.

9/8/21 - After a good talk with Jody, I was up at 4am with ideas for Jake’s chapter.

9/13/21 - Made good progress on novel. I might just pull off this deadline. Cue Hank: “You always make the deadline.”

9/19/21 - Revising going well. Some interesting points raised by Jeff Schoep in response to my email. Might rethink ending.

9/20/21 - The end of this revision is in sight.

9/21/21 - Turned in revision!!

9/30/21 - Got notes back from Jody. Nothing too onerous.

10/3/21 - Working on revisions.

10/5/21 - Continuing revisions. Tired.

10/15/21 - Got a LOT of revision done. Tomorrow will start reading aloud. It’s so great to finally have time to refine.

10/17/21 - Found so much from having the time to read aloud. Will press send tomorrow then one more round of revisions before copyediting. I never thought I’d get here!

10/18/21 - Sent revised MS to Jody and celebrated by making cookies. Feeling so much better about where this book is going.

10/26/21 - Got revision back. Some rewriting, but manageable by next Tuesday. Also the title is now finalized and there’s a really striking cover concept.

10/29/21 - Wrote a new scene with Ronan and Dec which I’m happy with. Tomorrow I have to write a Jake chapter, then print out again to read on Monday.

11/2/21 - Turned in book and voted.

12/9/21 - Finished copy edits. Now working on author’s note and acknowledgements.

12/30/21 - Finished acknowledgements for SKOH. I hope I didn’t forget anyone!

Having read that, you’ll understand why I dedicated this book to my husband, Hank. He had to pick up a lot of slack while I was grinding out 2000K words a day - not to mention listening to me complain about how miserable I was.

Some Kind of Hate is my 19th published novel (7 were work-for-hire under a pseudonym). It never gets any easier!

But when you hold that finished book in your hands, you realize that it was all worth it.

On 11/1, Some Kind of Hate will be out in the world. Please join me for the launch party on 11/6/22 at Turning the Page Books in Monroe. If you can make it to the in-person event, there will be TED LASSO SHORTBREAD - for reasons I explain in here. Please be sure to sign up in advance, so I make enough shortbread! Thanks to the wonderful Pia Ledina, if you’re unable to make it in person, there’s now a ZOOM option. Hope to see you either in person or virtually!