Even before October 7th I’d been spending much less time on social media, and I’ve been much happier for it. I make sure to have several books downloaded and synched to my phone at all times, both serious and light. That way when I find myself mindlessly scrolling, I stop, close the app, and either open an e-book or send a “hey, how are you?” text to a friend.
Yes, I’ve missed news from friends, because I haven’t been assiduously checking in on the socials. Yes, I worry that my lack of posting is going to hurt my career.
But since October 7th, I’ve found the tribalist “pick a side” “only my side is right” “only the other side is wrong/evil/deserving of inhumanity” atmosphere on social media incompatible with who I am as a human being— someone whose life and career has been about exploring grey areas and nuance.
I’m not trying to bury my head in the sand, or ignore the horror that’s happening in the world. It’s that knowing what I do about social media algorithms and how they work to promote discord for higher engagement (not to mention the bots, the troll farms, and the disinformation spreaders) I don’t feel adding my voice in short soundbites or memes is productive. It won’t make anyone safer, nor will it contribute to the goal I hope we all share, which is finding a way to a lasting peace.
I was reminded of just how toxic social media has become on Friday.
Ever since I encountered her work while researching Some Kind of Hate, I’ve been an admirer of the Norwegian filmmaker Deeyah Khan. If you haven’t watched her documentary White Right, Meeting the Enemy, I highly recommend it - as well as her other documentaries, including Jihad, about the radicalization of young Muslim men in the West. Her latest is Behind the Rage: America’s Domestic Violence which I can’t wait to watch when it’s available in the US. It explores if it’s possible to reduce endemic levels of male partner violence.
When I did a quick drop in to Instagram on Friday, I saw that Deeyah had posted this:
This shouldn’t be a controversial statement, unless you have “picked a side” and are unwilling to face that we can argue about history and trauma and wrongdoing till we are blue in the face, but won’t help solve any the humanitarian crises we currently face, and help us move forward to find peace, as Mo Husseini so eloquently stated the other day:
Reading the responses to Deeyah’s post made me unutterably depressed. The level to which people on one side want to ignore, to justify, and worst of all, just plain DENY Hamas’s brutality toward Israelis is beyond painful, as is the people trying to justify the collective punishment being meted out to innocent civilians in Gaza.
As I tried to articulate the sense of loneliness and isolation because of this to someone on Friday, I remembered that people who live in the grey areas, who actively seek nuance and understanding rather than viewing the world in black and white, are not usually the voices that get heard on social media, so it’s easy to forget that they exist.
But we do. And in 2024, I plan to actively seek out others who can recognize our commonalities while celebrating our differences. I want to find the people who look beyond slogans and emojis and memes, who want to work for peace and understanding in real life spaces, away from the divisive miasma of social media. I want us to be able to have those honest, painful discussions, discussions that begin with recognizing each other’s humanity.
I know this might sound naive. But if I hadn’t retained my teenage belief that the world should be a more just place, despite the cynicism and weariness of adult experience, I wouldn’t be able to write for teens.
Wishing you Happy and Healthy New Year, one in which we can find a way to reconnect with our shared humanity and work together for a more equitable, peaceful world.
One must always choose life and living, especially one with purpose to create a more just, compassionate, joyful and loving one. It is the world I long for and work for. Thank you for your thoughtful post.
Sarah, thank you for articulating so tactfully and thoughtfully how I’ve been feeling for a long time! I agree wholeheartedly that social media is contributing to and in many ways creating discord and disconnection, as well as eroding tolerance, goodwill, and generosity. I too see all the polarizing posts, each declaring their lines in the sand have been unjustly crossed, and I don’t respond because I fear my brief words can’t possibly covey enough to get through the wall of “us vs them” and unless I pledge allegiance then I’m labeled “them” “other” “not to be trusted”. May I share your essay with friends (real friends/in person, not on FB)? And how do we keep this conversation going? Where is there a forum for real people to engage more meaningfully? Happy New Year, and may this be the year where more people move away from social media and toward social experience/interaction. Thank you! Be well.