At sunset tonight, we enter a special sabbath in the Jewish calendar - Shabbat Shuvah, which falls between the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The solemn and moving Unetaneh Tokef prayer reminds us “On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death.” Shabbat Shuva is positioned to give us an important chance for reflection - to return and to repent.
The High Holy Days figure twice in my upcoming novel, Some Kind of Hate, which comes out on November 1st, bookending my characters’ explorations of how to cope with those who have done us harm and those who we have harmed - and along with them my own.
Because writing this book changed me. Let’s face it, I was a political opinion writer for 13 years. I was paid to be judgmental and opinionated (based on the facts as I researched them).
But to get in the head of someone whose beliefs are so anathema to me, I had to put that part of me aside. Researching Declan’s character forced me to approach people whose ideas have terrified me for my entire life with curiosity rather than fear. Okay, let’s be honest - with curiosity as well as fear, because the fear is baked into my DNA.
Coming from a place of curiosity - even if I felt sick to my stomach before I dialed the phone number or opened the Zoom link - helped me to look for our shared humanity. To empathize with the emotions and life circumstances that led a person to embrace those beliefs, while still being horrified by them.
One of the people I interviewed was Tony McAleer, whose book THE CURE FOR HATE: A Former White Supremacist's Journey from Violent Extremism to Radical Compassion I highly recommend.
I learned so much from my discussion with Tony, and from his book - but also from watching this video of when he went back to Temple Sholom in Vancouver, BC, the site of his first antisemitic act, on Shabbat Shuvah:
“This synagogue is ground zero because the very first anti-semitic act that I did was to place a National Front sticker on that front door,” he confessed, pointing to the doors in back of the room where they sat. “It’s come full circle back to here.”
Forgiveness is a complicated issue, and the deeper and more entrenched the emotional pain, the harder it can be to get there. Judaism teaches that there are different levels of forgiveness between us as humans and we might start at the lowest level but eventually be able to move to the highest.
To achieve forgiveness we need to let go of the judgement - leave that to our respective “higher powers” - and connect to our empathy and understanding.
It’s not easy. I struggle with it myself. My head knows it’s what I should be doing, but the emotion often takes over. Jake’s character in Some Kind of Hate reflects my own frustration between the person I think I should be, the person I want to be, and the person I am.
But this Shabbat Shuva, I recommit to working on it.
Wishing you and our world all the sweetness of life for 5783 - despite that fact that I started my new year by finally getting Covid and currently sound like a five pack a day smoker!