Carpe F#$%@!g Diem!

In a dark world, it's important to seize the opportunity for joy where we can - even when on a book deadline.

The week before last, we were sitting on the sofa after dinner and My Love asked me when my book was due. I told him June 13th.

He sighed. “I’m going to make a proposal and you’re probably going to say no, but…” and proceeded to tell me the Rolling Stones were playing in Philly the following Tuesday (ie/ two days before my deadline) and there were tickets and he’d found a reasonably priced place to stay and we could take the Amtrak down.

Looking over at me, he fully expected me to say, “Sorry, no. I can’t, I’m on a deadline” as I’ve said for so many things over the almost 18 years we’ve been together.

But lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that both of my parents died in their 70’s - my dad to the long, slow, painful goodbye of Alzheimer’s, and my mom to a sudden and unexpected DVT, fifteen months later. It’s not in a morbid way, more in a “Holy shit, I’m 61 and still have so many things I want to do but I’ve got more of my life behind me than ahead of me” way.

Are any of you fans of the brilliant MAX show Hacks with Jean Smart and Hannah Einbender? Well, Season 2 Episode 5 ‘One Day’ hit me hard. (Episode 2 Season 5’s seem to be a theme for me - more on that below)

*SPOILER ALERT*

Deborah (Smart) and Ava (Einbender) go for a hike, they get lost in the woods (talk about middle of the journey metaphors!) and Deborah hurts her ankle.

The scene goes like this:

Deborah: Oh, I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. It’s not your fault my stupid body broke down.

Ava: Come on, you’re in great shape.

Deborah: Say it. “For a woman your age.” [sighs] “You know, your whole life…you say, “One day.” You know, “One day, I’ll do this. One day, I’ll accomplish that.”

And the magic of “one day” is that it’s all ahead of you. But for me, “one day” is now. Anything I want to do, I have to do now…or else I’ll never do it.

By the time Deborah finished that monologue I was sobbing. Because I’ve been saying “One Day” my entire life, always looking at the next mountain I had to climb rather than allowing myself a moment to enjoy the view from the summit I’d just scaled.

And like Deborah Vance in Hacks, I’ve realized that ONE DAY IS NOW.

So I said “Yes!”

My Love was temporarily gobsmacked. “Old Sarah would never have said yes. I like New Sarah!

To which I replied “Carpe F*cking Diem!”

And that, my friends, is my new life motto. Because we don’t know what will happen. I’m scared about so many things going on in the world; there’s a part of me that wants to burrow and hide. But that fear, that anxiety about the future and the state of the world is all the more reason to say yes to opportunities for joy.

I was having lunch with my college roommate, Lisa, and I told her about my new motto. She reminded me of how hard I worked in college and in my 20s when I was working and going to business school at night. We decided I needed my new motto on a t-shirt.

Heading to the Stones concert at Lincoln Financial Center.

So I got one and wore it to the concert. Received a lot of compliments! Given the age of the crowd, and the fact that the concerts are sponsored by AARP (which made me laugh and laugh) it probably resonated.

H had seen the Stones back in the 80’s. They first played Philly in ‘65, when I was…two.

But those alter cockers still bring it. I hope I can Move Like Jagger when I’m 80. Heck, I hope I’m still ALIVE at 80, given how old my parents were when they passed. Doing all the things to ensure that happens, but who knows.

Rolling Stones Philadelphia 6 11 24

I danced and sang most of the concert (oy my hips the next morning, LOL) and so did the folks around us, as Mick reminded us that “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find you get what you need.”

Back in late 2021 I was in a very bad place. I was working on Some Kind of Hate, a gruelling book in terms of both research and process, especially given everything going on in the outside world while I was working on it (Covid, teaching full time, moving house, 2020 election, Jan 6th…etc).

I wrote about how during that sad, stressful time, I’d lost all joy in writing and hated my life, but was saved by the “Rainbow” episode (season 2 Ep 5) of Ted Lasso (see I told you there was something about season 2 episode 5’s!) which is all about rediscovering the joy in the things you love.

I said to My Love before the show that I hoped they played She’s a Rainbow. And they did, and it confirmed that the choice to carpe f*cking Diem was absolutely the right choice!

So do it, my friends. Seize the effing day! Don’t postpone joy. Grab it with both hands and treasure those moments.

xo Sarah